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if we only die once, i wanna die with you.
First official fic - yay!

14 hours. 840 minutes. 50,400 seconds, since Sam shared his feelings with her. Andy looks at her watch. 841 minutes. Lifts up her head and looks at the man lying montionless in the bed in front of her. His eyes closed, face pale. A big bandage around his abdomen. He looks nothing like Sam. No smirk, no dimples, no frown, no warmth. He looks weak, while he's the strongest man she's ever met. She squeezes his hand and with the other she smooths his hair. She needs to touch him. Needs to feel his heartbeat under her hands, not just see the numbers on the screen. Needs to see his chest rise up and down every second or so. Every now and then his breath hitches and her heart stops, only to continue beating again when his breathing returns to normal.

She thinks about what she said in the ambulance. Wanting to hit herself on the head for not saying it earlier. Wanting to hit him on the head for the same thing. She can't stop thinking about if he dies, that they'll never get to continue their story. She realizes that she doesn't want anybody else. Not before, not now and not ever.

No man knows her better than he does. (Lets her watch 'Titanic' when she has her period, comforts her when Jack dies - buys her extra sugary candy even though he keeps commenting about the unhealthy aspect of those stupid gummy bears).

And no man loves her more than he does. How she gets away with using all the hot water, or stealing the blanket in the middle of the night. How her stuff takes over 80% of the bathroom. How she lies all over the couch with him slumped down in the corner, under her feet. How he would go for ice cream in the middle of the night if she had a particularly rough day. She really can't imagine her life without him.

"Sam, I really need you to wake up now, okay. I love you. I chose you, no need to be heroic anymore, so.. just wake up." (He flatlined, the doctors told her. Made her vomit in the bathroom. Twice.)
"I'll do everything okay. I'll get us that dog, Boo. And even a cat, or a turtle. I mean, a turtle is probably better since cats and dogs will just fight and, and, we could call him Ninja. And if you don't like turtles that's okay too, we can get a goldfish or, or, whatever you want. Anything." She's rambling now, wants to keep talking to him, let him know he's not alone. "And I know I'm not a good cook, but I'll make you dinner, and lunch, breakfast even. And I promise not to set off the fire alarm. So you don't have to worry about that." There's still no sign of him waking up and the fire leaves her body with every minute that passes.

"Sam, you jerk - why can't we just be normal together?" she whispers to both their hands, tears falling down her face. She hears a croaky "Sorry" and looks up to see Sam awake. She jumps up and kisses his face everywhere, forgetting he just had major surgery. "McNally,.. Andy.." She realizes it then and jumps back immediately.
"Sorry, sorry, are you OK? Do you need anything? Should I get a nurse? Do you want water? Are you OK? Do you want anything?"

Sam smiles then, just a little. "A turtle would be good."

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I totally enjoyed this and my heart did REALLY wierd things at the "no one loves her like he does" like. Sorry if I misquoted but you know the line I mean, you wrote it. All those things you describe him doing for her or having done for her, I really need to see them.

really weird is really good!

really weird is really good!!
and PLEASE get those things on our screens!

Edited at 2014-05-05 06:10 am (UTC)

I love this! Andy's rambling is so her and him waking up saying sorry made me laugh. And Andy thinking about how they both waited too long to say anything and now he's lying in a hospital bed.

thanks for sharing :)

I was extremely nervous to post this but really, really glad you like it!

I like the little hints of how they were together. I hate that we didn't get to see it because we know it had to be good. they both care so much.

And of course Andy's ramblings. There's no way she would just sit there quietly.

Thanks for sharing.

In my head they did all those things.. and many more!
Thank you for your review!

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